Lavender

About a month ago, someone told me to stay away from Lavender essential oils.  "They mimic estrogen".  So I stopped and started asking questions and doing some research.  My sister, AKA My Angel, Research Rawkstar, and a plethora of knowledge, discovered some articles stating that it was a hormone disruptor.  We should stay away from it.  Especially adolescences.  Boys and girls.

We brought it up to someone we trust and her response was, "I don't buy that.  I have been using it on myself and my grandchildren for years."  You all know that that is NOT a good response or a good way to look at it.  I could do several posts on all the things we thought were safe and are now finding out that they are harmful.  Shoot.  My mom smoked while pregnant with all of us because the doctors said it was fine.  Zolfran (given for nausea) is starting to cause birth defects.  I first heard of Zolfran from a friend who took it EVERY day of her pregnancy.  I took it a few times during chemo.  Just because 100 people use it with no ill effects, doesn't prove it is not harmful.

We can get frustrated, shake our fists at the heavens, and ignore that we know this.  Or we can do our own research and find out what is best for you and your family - to use said product, limit it, or stay away from it.

One response I have gotten from people (after they have asked me about something that I am doing) is, "Everything causes cancer!  You can't get away from it!"  This drives me crazy.  First of all, if you are asking me, then I have to assume you WANT to know the truth.  So put down your defenses and learn.  Be your own advocate and sit down and research.  You should be researching for at least 30 minutes. There are so many websites out there so start marking the ones that seem legit and the most helpful.  You can find articles to support something and find just as many that debunk it.  So trust your gut.  And what works for you and yours.  I am VERY extreme, so lots of things that I can't do, you probably can.

Let's start with Lavender.  In essential oil form and all others.  Have you heard about Lavender being harmful?  Have you had an experience with it - good or bad?  Let's share and figure this out together.

Since this discovery, I have been reading all labels and it is in a lot of things - lotions, soaps, deodorants, lip balm, etc.  Start checking your labels and let me know what you find!

"You can't get away from it!"  I disagree.  You can minimize the amount of cancerous materials you put in your body and on your body.  Is it easy?  Of course not.  But it is worth it.  And it gets easier the longer you do it.  I know for myself, when I learn that something could possibly be harmful to our health, there is no way my family will use it.  And I have also learned that most things that are good for you are not easy.  But worth it.

We will take the time to to research which iPhone is the best.  Hours and hours.  And ask friends what they suggest.  Look at reviews.  Etc, etc, etc.  We should also have that much enthusiasm researching which foods and toiletries are the best.  It is the difference between feeling lousy and feeling good. You are worth it.

YOU ARE WORTH IT.

Rashes and Patches

After my last post, my intention was to write at least once a week.  And then I got hit by an ugly rash.  Not only is it ugly, but it is horribly itchy and painful.  Many nights I was up until 4 am with ice packs on it hoping that would help.  Unfortunately, it was from head to toe so could only do so much.  Here are a couple pictures of when it was the worst.

I still laugh when I see it.  Thank goodness I can laugh because, at the time, it wasn't funny at all.  I couldn't open my one eye and, when I looked down, I couldn't see past my swollen cheeks. The thought is that I am detoxing.  My rash is 80% better, but still here.  Going on almost 4 months.  Hopefully, that is what it is and all that nasty is coming out.

We also think it might be nightshades.  I have never heard of that so something new to learn.  Research it if you are interested.  Here is one of many websites explaining it.  http://www.thepaleomom.com/2013/08/what-are-nightshades.html 

At first, I was excited that maybe we could stop this rash, but then I realized my already limited diet would be cut in half.  And my excitement went down.  My typical day of eating looks like this:  eggs with garlic, onions, and peppers with a side of tomatoes.  Lunch is usually lentil past with organic tomato sauce.  Dinner is a huge salad with tomatoes, peppers, etc.  So LOTS of tomatoes.  These last 2 weeks have been very hard for me as far as food.  But it is making me venture out and figure out other food I CAN eat.

On a happier note, my hair is coming in fast.  Unfortunately, so is the gray.  And even more unfortunate, all the gray seems to be just in the center of my head.  So I have what looks like a reverse mohawk or the cool new hairdo everyone is sporting - The Skunk.  I also have this lovely rectangular patch in the back of my head which I affectionately call my UPC.

There is actually hair in the middle, but it is so grey, it looks bald.

I am still tired all the time and usually sleep for two hours during the day - after sleeping 9 hours at night.  I am ready for that to stop!  I am still blessed beyond measure and have friends coming over four out of the five days during the week so I can rest.  I was hoping I wouldn't need that any more, but over the holidays, I didn't take the rest and it showed up in headaches, more fatigue, and me being very short with everyone.  So between 2 and 5 every day, I will still be healing and trying not to feel guilty about leaving my boys for that long EVERY day.

I am also having hours of lots of energy and my body is getting stronger.  So I cannot complain.

I am scheduled for my 3-month MRI on Feb. 8.  Although I am confident it will be great, the fear creeps in.  So prayers for calmness until then.  I appreciate those prayers more than you know.

My plan is to post more.  Including recipes on Friday.  Food Fridays.  Yes, I am a dork.  But I am getting more and more emails and texts about my food.

Please comment if you have any requests for Food Friday!

I Will Miss You, Warrior Dawn

Before this journey, I thought when you got the word remission, you breathed a sigh of relief, you jumped up and down, and life moved on.  I wish it was that easy.

It is hard to change your way of thinking after three years.  Three long years.  Three years of worrying.  Three years of noticing every change in your body and wondering if it means your worst fear is coming true.  Three years of waking up and putting on your warrior cape and fighting.  Three years of figuring out who the new you is and who she will become when the fight is over.

I am still figuring that out, but I can say that, today, I am in a good place.  I wasn't in a good place right after my hearing remission.  It's hard to believe that something you have hoped for for so long and, fought for EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY, is finally here.

It took about two weeks and I woke up one morning and my stomach wasn't in knots anymore.  My first thought wasn't of my fight.  I woke up and I was happy.  Even as I type this, that seems so crazy. Why wouldn't I be ecstatic?  Elated?  Screaming "remission" at the top of my lungs and then just laughing.  I am not sure.  I am sure I could spend some time on a therapist's couch.  I am sure this is normal.

A friend pointed out that I was still in warrior mode.  The war had ended, but I was getting up every day and defending my battlefield.  I forgot to tell Warrior Dawn that she could stop fighting.  It was time to tell Dawn - the Dawn that I sent away until it was safe - that it was time to come home.  And that is what it took.  A conscience conversation in my head telling myself to breath and relax.  I invited that fun, goofy, doesn't-worry-that-much-Dawn home.  We embraced and cried.  Warrior Dawn is not gone.  I know I will need her again.  Whether it is for health reasons, or family reasons, or just being here on Earth reasons. Whatever it is, it is time for her to rest and for this Dawn to start living life again.  I haven't done that much lately.  But I have been in the last couple of weeks.  I am a miracle.  My time is not done.  God wants me here.  It is time to start living again.  You have been warned...

Results

I always forget that not EVERYONE is on Facebook.  I assume when I post something on there, all my friends and family will read it and know.  One day I will learn.

I have gotten a few emails and texts asking about the results.

So...

If you haven't heard.....I am in remission!!

Insert happy dance.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFZouAjwUi8

My doctor inadvertently told us how many mets I did have - 13.  I am down to 2, but they have significantly shrunk and are continuing to shrink.  So I am in remission!

I will do an MRI every 3 months.  WHEN those continually come back as stable, we will then go to every 6 months.

I have been asked, once again, if my diet will change.  No.  We will add some things here and there eventually, but no.  It is working.  And, honestly, as much as I "hate" it, I really do feel great!!  I had some stomach problems this week and I realized that I haven't felt that way in almost a year.  A year.  (Not drinking has help that also.)

Not sure if it has totally sunk in yet.  3 years of worrying.  3 very intense months of worrying on a different level with the mets.  It almost like I am in the habit of worrying.  Does that make sense?  But every day is better.

Today I played in the leaves with my boys and didn't worry or think about anything but them and how good it felt to be outside and laughing.  I am getting there....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xDZoWmXzMI0

Hidden Anger

Last night (Tuesday night), my friends took me to Jumping World.  They knew that these next 2 days were going to be rough.  It was a great distraction.  And a major workout.  As I type this, I am sore.  Here are some highlights:

                             https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7wS2wqtEnU&feature=youtu.be

This reminded me of another night when my loved ones realized (before I did) that I needed a release.

The week I found out I had brain mets was filled with many emotions.  I could tell you that I was scared, confused, frustrated, and sad.  But I would have told you I wasn't angry.  But then my sister suggested that we smash something when I was telling her how I felt.

My younger sister was in town to help.  We decided to buy some dishes from the Dollar Store and smash them in my husband's dumpster behind his work.  This made him very nervous.  Which made us laugh even more.

We decided to dress appropriately for sneaking onto private property and leaving remnants of dishes in the dumpster.

This made us laugh even more.  Which made J even more nervous.  He was seriously worried that we were going to get arrested.  More giggles.

Long story, short - We smashed many plates.  We laughed.  I cried...pretty hard.  (I don't swear often, but I was yelling at cancer and telling it to leave me the f*$@ alone already.)  I guess I was pretty angry.  We laughed some more.  We didn't get "busted".  We drove home feeling a little better and not so angry at the circumstances.

I know I keep saying it, but thank you for being so awesome.  This has really been a team effort.  I know God is here because he shows me every day in the things you are doing.  Thank you.

One last story....I was in the mountains with the boys Oct. 17 - 21.  I think I had too much time to think and wasn't doing well emotionally.  Then I heard of a friend's mother's passing and it really threw me for a loop.  The last night in the mountain, I prayed.  I don't usually pray for signs, but told God I wasn't doing well and needed help.  I needed a sign that everything was going to be okay.  That Tuesday, we got home and there was a package for me from my friend.  I opened it and only read the first part and was bawling.

There was my sign.  And she had to have sent it 3 or 4 days earlier.  Before I had asked for help.  He knew I was going got ask before I did.  He is amazing.

MRI

I had the best techs!  As I walked back, I heard "Watch me whip, watch me Whip, watch me Nae Nae" on the radio.  So you know my a@& had to start dancing.  That started a great back and forth.  We started talking about music as they put in my IV.  I wasn't able to wear my shirt during the scan so I asked if I could take a picture of it on the machine.

I got on the table.  They put ear plugs in my ears (the machine is loud), then put headphones over those.  It kept my head still and they had music coming out of it.  They asked what music I wanted.  For those who know me, know that I asked for raunchy/nasty music.  The first song was Rack City!  It was hard to not move my head to the beat.  My feet were definitely going!!

Did the scan for ten minutes.  Then I got the contrast through my IV.  I could taste it.  It was weird.  Then five more minutes.  Then I was done.  I asked if they would dance with me.  This is what we got.  Wish I had set my phone on the desk so we could have danced longer and had all 3 of us in it.

https://youtu.be/zjgUxyOum-8

I want to send it to Ellen, but don't think it is long enough or shows us enough.  Poop.

As always, I am reading into how the techs acted at the end.  Which is SO silly.  I keep going back and forth.  But I am going to leave that here.  I have 2 days and I will know.

I will definitely post the results on Thursday as soon as we hear the good news!!

Crazy Days

Every day, I want to post.  Every day, I have a post running in my head.  But every day, I run out of time to get it written.  We all have busy days.  Good days, but busy days.  Now imagine taking 3 hours out of that day to rest.  And then imagine being in bed by 10:00 every night.  I am not complaining, just explaining.  I should only be concentrating on healing, so this is all good.

I took a picture of my kitchen only two hours after we had woken up.  I make the boys their breakfast.  Then I have to take my supplements.  Then make my breakfast.  Then a wheat grass shot.  Here is my kitchen after all of that:

Then, if the boys are occupying themselves, I have dishes to do.  And now my kitchen looks like this:

But most of the time, I don't do dishes until after lunch.  And my kitchen is ALWAYS a mess.  It used to really bother me.  Now I look at the mess and smile because it means my family is eating well and are healthy.

If I could redo my kitchen, I would not include a microwave, but have TWO dishwashers.  And my dream would be to have a chef who also does those dishes.  Wouldn't that be nice?

And now it is only 2 or 3 hours before rest time.  The boys come first.  More often than not, that means I am playing with them.  Don't get me wrong.  I LOVE it.  I now slow down and play with them more.  But that means nothing else gets done.  Once again, we are in the kitchen cooking for lunch and cleaning up after that.

Before I know it, it is rest time.  I get done with that at 5 and now it is time to start cooking again. I was someone who RARELY left dishes unclean at night.  I didn't sit down and relax until the kitchen was clean.  Most nights now, the counter is full of dirty dishes that sit there until the next day.  And yes, you guessed it, I only have about an hour of "no boy time" to look at email, pay bills, straighten up the house, etc, etc.

I will say that lately, it hasn't seemed as crazy.  Things are starting to get easier and my time is being used more productively.

I wanted to explain all of this because I have felt like I have been in a cave.  I would love to write thank you notes and respond to everyone's texts and messages, but it is just hard.  Please know that I love you all and will get back to functioning somewhat normally soon!

One thing I would like to get out is this great video that C sent me.  I feel like this video will get you really thinking about the food we are putting in our bodies and our family's bodies.  Her comment about "How many sippy cups did I fill?" really spoke to me.  That is how I think now.  It is less than 20 minutes.  I hope it gets you researching what you are eating.  I believe that prevention is the cure.  And this should, hopefully, get you thinking that way also.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rixyrCNVVGA