Three Months

I have wanted to post this past month (how has it been a month already?), but I wasn't able to make sense of a keyboard for awhile.  I couldn't pull words out of my head.  I could see them in there, but they didn't come out.  But I will talk about that in another post.

I wanted to update everyone where we are today.  Which is good!!

August 11th was my last radiation.  15 days.  Every day, someone drove me.  And someone else watched my boys.  I cannot even tell you how much that meant to me.  I am loved.

When I was first diagnosed, I was in bad shape.  They put me on 5 steroids/anti-inflammatory drugs.  That is a lot.  But I needed them.  The headaches were pretty bad, I was stumbling, and I was very dizzy.  The thing that really upset me, and made me cry, - I couldn't read to my boys at night.  That is my favorite part of the day.  I couldn't make out the words.  I could see the letters, but they weren't words.  Sometimes the stories went like this: "The dog dug bone.  And then. Boy. The. House."  It was pretty bad.  And those sweet boys never called me out.

Two weeks ago, I was doing so well, that we dropped to 4 pills.  Last week - 3.  And Tuesday -2! In one week -1.5.  The following week - .5. And then we are done.  This is a big deal.  This means the radiation is working.  My doctor said, "If I met you on the street, I would not know you had brain mets."  I guess he forgot that I told him I was a bad a*#.

I couldn't drive at first.  I got clearance, but only around town.  No highway.  And I am okay with that.

At our first meeting, I asked if I could run.  This was the conversation:

- Tell me what that looks like.
- 3 to 4 miles, twice a week.
He looks at Jason and Jason said, "Along Whitlock Avenue!"
He looks at me and says, "Let's not do that right now. I don't want you swaying into traffic."
But I now have clearance.  I can start working out with my sister again.
We have agreed, though, that running is probably not what I should be doing right now.  I need to heal.  I don't think through all of this, I have given myself time to do that.  I get the good news and I just want to go back to "normal".  I am now one of those crazy looking fast walkers - pumping my arms and going pretty fast.  I am not doing the crazy hip movement....yet.

My doctor said that he sees all the mets gone.  Maybe a couple left over.  And he says nonchalantly, "We will just take care of those with cyber knife."  Um, I would prefer not to have that. And we won't, because they are gone or on their way out as I type this.

We cannot rescan for three months.  It takes that long for the radiation to do its job.  But I am okay with that.  More meditating, more healing, more positive thinking, more adding to my arsenal.

The thing that I realized, very quickly, after this diagnosis is that I am not letting my body heal.  I just want to get back to "normal".  Whatever that looks like.  But the first time, I finished chemo and radiation and pushed myself to get back to life.  After the second time, and clear scan,  I consciously thought, "I am good.  I don't have to do my wheatgrass shots.  I don't have to rest.  It is okay if I stay up late tonight."

And my body keeps telling me that I cannot do that.  I sometimes get mad thinking that others don't have to rest every day or be in bed by 10 or stay away from stressful situations and people. But I do.  My body likes to grow irregular cells and I am contributing to it.

I have been through a lot.  My body has not let me down.  And I just keep punching it.  Time to slow down.  Let my body heal.  Let my cells regenerate.  Let the brain relax.  Breathe.  Thank this body for working so hard. Give it the rest it deserves.

The next three months will give me time to figure this out.  I have to be scheduled.  Something I really tried not to do before all this.  But the only way I am going to fit everything in, is to make a schedule for each day of the week and follow it.

Time to figure this out - once and for all.

In three months, we will get the good news.  Clear scan.

Thank you for loving me.  I feel it EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Just some of my day...

New Face of Brain Mets

When I was first told that breast cancer has a tendency to metastisize to the brain, I ignore it because that scared me.  Really scared me.  My first occurrence with BC was going to be a bump in the road.  Had a lumpectomy, it hadn't spread, wait until baby is born, start chemo, follow with radiation and we are done.

I didn't ask other people their stories after that.  Because it scared me.  In fact, before my initial diagnoses, I was my worse nightmare.   I thought about it a lot.  And when I would hear of other people going through it a second time, I would say a prayer, and try not to think about it.  So hearing of someone who had it come back, ugh.  I would physically get sick.

And then came my second diagnosis - State 4 metastisized.  The ground dropped out from me.  But I surprised myself - I dealt with it.  We assembled my team, got dirty, got mean, and started figuring this out.

I saw the looks in MOST people's faces.  And I got it.  Before me, State 4 - I would have thought, "Well, that is it."  And then I educated myself and knew that wasn't it.  But still, I saw the looks on your faces when I said I was meditating and visualizing and only thinking positive thoughts.  And to tell people about my diet, that got the most glazed over looks.  And people argued with me.  Almost angrily.  I wasn't being unrealistic.  I knew what I was up against.  But I knew I could do it.

And we did it.  The doctors said, "You will always have cancer in you.  You will always do chemo." And they left it hanging.  But 3 months later, it was gone.  GONE!  I was a miracle.  (Well, we are all miracles.) But I was a State 4 cancer miracle.

I want to be the new face of brain mets.  I want you to look at me and know that I am going to beat this.  I am already a miracle.  I am just not done yet.  When you tell my story, I don't want you to say:

     - Could you imagine?
     - It is so unfair.
     - After everything she had changed, how is this happening?
     - It is just so sad.

I do not want any negative thoughts coming me way.  AT ALL.

Instead, I would like for you to tell my story, BUT then tell them to watch because amazing things are happening every day.  That I am going to finish this fight once and for all.  That I am strong and capable and will be laughing at my boys' weddings and hold my first grandchild with tears streaming down my face.

I feel very strongly about this.  VERY.  I believe that you, as my team, are instrumental in helping me.  I believe in you.  I feel our visualizations and prayers and your pictures of a pink, healthy brain.  It lifts me up and empowers me.

So spread the word - Dawn Ford is doing something amazing.  Come and join me and watch the miracle continue...

I Am Loved

This is what I found in my driveway when I came home from the hospital.  Thank you to the wonderful friends who left it.

Metasteses in the brain is very scary, right?  That is what we thought too.  Not that word isn't serious, but it is not brain cancer.  My cancer did not originate in the brain.  This is still breast cancer.  That information helped use breathe a little better.  I have multiple lesions.  I have not asked how many nor have I looked at my scans.  I do not know how many I have.  I do know there are more than 5.  I have been in tune with such things, and when they first told me, I immediately picture 15 to 20.  But it doesn't matter.  My radiologist, Dr. Mark McGlaughlin, pointed out very pointedly that they were all small.  More breathing.

I am on anti-inflammatories and will be for awhile.  I start radiation on Monday.  15 days minus weekends.  I cannot drive.  I am not on anti-seziure medicine, but that could change.  My mind is not working right.  I have typed several of these words more than once.  I am not walking particularly well all the time.  My vision gets spotty a lot.  And when the headaches come, they are bad.

But, I am doing pretty well considering.  There are still a lot of tears, but we are slowly coming out of the fog.  Plans are being made and we will let everyone know how they can help when we figure it out.

Thank you for reminding me that I am loved.

Third Times A Charm

As most of you know, my cancer is back and is in the brain. We are formulating a plan and are going to kick this cancer's backside once again. Right now all we need your prayers. We are going to need help again, and will let you know what that is.

I have already been crying on and off with everyone's sweet messages. Dust off the Fraggle Rocks. We're going to need them again.

Potty Training Boot Camp Take 2

When we potty trained our eldest son at 2 1/2 years old, we did the 3-day method.  Basically, you stay home for 3 days.  Seriously, you don't even leave to run to the grocery story.  Have lots of liquids for the child to drink so there are more opportunities for them to figure it out.  Commit to no more diapers or pull-ups. You stay home until they figure it out.  Here is a blog that explains it.  http://www.lucieslist.com/toddlerhood/the-two-day-method-potty-training/

We started on a Saturday, and by Tuesday, he was at school with underwear on and has NEVER had an accident there.  We never used pull-ups.  But there were quite a few accidents at night, but we handled them, and after about a month, we didn't have any more.

This is how it went for us. http://raiseyourheads.blogspot.com/2013/11/potty-training-day-1.html

I say all this knowing full well that we got luck with J.  We have with most things.  He has generally been an easy child.  And them came C.  We have been brought down a few notches.  Where I thought we had just done a great job with him, I now realize, it was J's nature.  

Tomorrow we start child number 2.  We are loaded up with apple juice (his favorite drink).  We have the adorable underwear.

We have skittles for rewards.  Along with little men (his favorite things right now).  And behind the door, I have some great big toys for when he goes stinky.  Because we all know that one takes a little longer.

The most important thing is not to have anything planned. Be with your child the whole day.  When I did this last time, I didn't eat much. I didn't clean much. Except loads of underwear that had been tee-teed on. I didn't get on my phone. I remember having a beer or two at the end of the night.

This time, things are going to be different. Harder. I have to prepare at least three meals each day. And that comes with tons of dishes. Taking all my supplements takes at least 5 minutes. Making my wheatgrass shots takes 15 minutes. And I won't have a beer to look forward to at the end of the night.

I've come to realize that we, as humans, rationalize with excuses. Whether they are legit excuses or just that - reasons to not do something. I could easily stop my diet for a day to do this. But that may lead to other days of not doing it. I could also not do it this way so it is easier on me. But I am not going to do either of those things.

I am going to get up and do this. I won't have the luxury of not eating, but will use this time to get C to help me cook. I won't have a beer waiting for me, but will have a wheatgrass shot. And I will toast to the fact that I am here to experience this with C. Because that is why I have fought so hard.

Wish me luck. C has always given us a run for our money. This should be interesting.

How To Help

When I submitted my video to The FoodBabe Video Contest, I was doing it to get my story out.  Not because I felt I could help other patients.  But because, when we started out on our journey, it would have been helpful to have met someone like my sister and myself.  Someone who had done the research.  Who had done a crazy diet.  Someone to help us start on which way I wanted to do my journey.

But even as I said that, I wasn't confident that anyone would want to hear what I had to say.  To hear about the crazy journey I ended up taking.

Enter my new friend, S.  She saw my video, found me on Facebook, and contacted me.  How crazy and awesome is that?  We have talked on the phone, texted, and she came over today to talk.  I wish I could have guided her more in her journey.  But that is what I have been saying from the beginning - I can only tell you what I did and what worked for me.  Everyone has to figure out for themselves what is best for them.  But I do feel, however, that I do have some good information for anyone looking to get toxins out of their lives.  Albeit food toxins, environmental toxins, body care toxins, and/or emotional toxins.

S said she is having a hard time telling people what NOT to bring into her house.  I totally get that.  Here were people wanting to help, wanting to bring me food, wanting to get me bath products, etc, and I couldn't use them.  How do you throw that back in someone's face?  There is no easy way.  Say you would like to exchange it?  That is rude.  Say you don't want it because is had bad ingredients/products in it?  Rude.  And people think you are overreacting.  I saw it in their eyes.  I still see it in their eyes when I say no thank you to the homemade cupcake.  It is hard.

I wrote a post awhile back thinking I was being so helpful.  http://raiseyourheads.blogspot.com/2013/04/chemoradiation-baskets.html  I just reread it.  Eye opening.  I was so far away from where I am today as far as what I am putting in my body and on my body.

That gave me the idea for this post.  What can friends do or give if their friend or family member has just been diagnosed and they decide to go the route of changing their diets and lifestyles to get rid of cancer naturally and/or in conjunction with treatment?  These are only my opinions.  But much better than the chicken with ritz crackers you were thinking about!

The first thing that always comes to mind is a meal.  It works out perfectly for the giver and the receiver.  The giver gets to lovingly prepare a meal that the receiver will get to eat and heal while eating it.  And when you are using your diet as a medicine, this becomes even more meaningful.  Everybody is going to change their diet differently, but I know all will come to the conclusion that anything in a  box or bag is not part of their diet anymore.  Prepare them a meal of quinoa with veggies.  Bring them a homemade smoothie made of veggies that are organic.  I did no fruit so find out if they are eating that or not.  You should drink a smoothie within a few hours so make it fresh.  Lentil pasta is really yummy with organic spaghetti sauce.  You can be creative.  Just NOTHING processed, please.

I have recipes I plan on sharing soon.  Recipes that I eat and are pretty clean and devoid of as many toxins as possible.  Stay tuned...

Even better than a meal is a gift certificate to Whole Foods or Kroger.  Eating raw and real food is expensive.  It is still one of my favorite gifts.  The patient needs to relearn how to eat so this forces them to walk the aisles, read packages, and figure out what their body needs.  Kroger has more than doubled the amount of organic products they carry in the six months since I was re-diagnosed.  I cannot vouch for Publix just because I don't shop there.  No other reason than it is further away from my house. (I did go to Publix last week and found it lacking in organic food.)

If you cannot afford a monetary gift, ask them if you can do some research for them.  Or go to doctor appointments to take notes.  The amount of information that is thrown at you is crazy.

Just show up.  Do the dishes without asking.  Just do it.  Do the laundry.  Don't ask.  Just do it. Take their kids to the park or out to lunch.  Don't ask.  Just do it.  Help clean their house.  Don't ask.  Just do it.

Just do it.

Give them a journal.  I truly believe that emotional toxins are just as bad as the ones we put in our bodies.  We ALL need to get rid of resentment and anger and fear and anything that isn't joy and calmness.  If they have kids, come over and MAKE them go relax.  During my 3 months of chemo, EVERY day I rested/journaled/meditated for 3 hours.  I didn't realize how much it helped me physically, emotionally, and my soul until I stopped having it every day.

Send flowers.  Or pick some up when you are at the grocery and drop them off.  Give a relaxing CD.  Give candles to burn.  I was only burning beeswax candles.  (Soy has been linked to cancer.)

I have lots of other ideas for more fun ideas, but don't like to write long posts.  Email me if you want other suggestions.  Dawning09@icloud.com

Thank you for helping your friends and family get through chemo and treatments.  We all need a team of people on our side and helping us get through this bump in the road.  Having help and support helps us look forward to getting over that bump and coasting down the other side cancer free and with smiles on our faces.

Lost Email and Lost Memory

After I posted my initial information on the inhibitors I am taking, someone sent me a wonderfully detailed email about what exactly inhibitors do.  I cannot find it.  And I cannot remember who sent it.  (Claiming chemo brain) If you are that person, could you please resend it?  Thank you!!!