Chemo/Radiation Baskets

I have finally begun the arduous task of getting our house back in order.  I have always joked that I have OCD enough to be annoying, but not enough to go on drugs.  Before pregnancies, babies, and cancer, I could not sit down until the room I was in was clean and organized.  The rug had to be parallel with the couch and all things had to be in their place.  Then I got pregnant and I didn't feel well.   Then I had a new baby to love on.  That was much more fun than cleaning.  Then we were pregnant again and the ickiness came back.  Then cancer, then another baby, then chemo, etc, etc, etc.   Of course, I have 2 boys to play with so, most of the time, my project of the day gets put aside so that I can play cars and enjoy peek-a-boos.  But I am slowly getting things back in their correct places.

I found all my cancer stuff and put it in a box.  I am 41-years-old and I know that, as I get older, more of my friends and family will be touched by cancer.  I hate that and it gets my stomach going, but it is a fact.  So, I put it in a box to open up when I get that call telling me someone I love has cancer.  I will pull out my box, open some old wounds, and figure out what I can do to help.

I started a document in my computer on what I had in my "chemo bag" and what helped me the most while going through chemo and radiation.  Then it hit me - I should blog about this.  I am sure most people are at a loss as to how to help.  I know my friends were not.  I was truly blessed with all the help, gifts, and prayers.  Because of their great gifts and gesture, I can blog about this.

So here are some things that I appreciated while going through my treatments.  I am very conscience of making my post as short as possible as I know I don't like to read them if they are too long.  But I think this is something you will skim, log away in your brain, and come back to when you need it.  (Disclaimer:  The views and opinions expressed in this article are those of the author's and are not intended to imply that every person would enjoy these things.) :-)

Chemo Gifts - In no particular order:

     *      A WARM FUZZY BLANKET (most treatment rooms are cold and I felt like I was being hugged every time I snuggled under it)

     *     SMALL PILLOW (mine had a beautiful bible verse on it. It was nice to nap when I was able)

     *     A BAG OF HARD CANDY - (I could taste one of the drugs as it went through my IV and it wasn't good.  Having a piece of candy to suck on helped tremendously.

     *     BIOTENE MOUTHWASH -  (My sweet friend showed up with what she called her "F*&^ Cancer Basket".  Besides some awesome wigs, she had Biotene in it.  When going through chemo, your mouth becomes very dry.  The normal acid is depleted.  That moisture/acid is important to break down plaque.  Some patients lose their teeth!  Can you imagine?!  The doctors NEVER told me about this so am so grateful for this gift.)

     *     TOOTHBRUSHES -  (Because of our immune systems, bacteria is bad!  I changed my toothbrush every Sunday night.)

     *    HAND SANITIZER - (Our immune systems are compromised so we must wash our hands constantly.)

     *     LIP BALM

     *     MIRALAX - (Yes, probably TMI, but we need it!)

     *     HIGH PROTEIN FOODS - (peanut butter, nuts, etc) My friend showed up with 7 pints of Ben and Jerrys.  Thank you, L!  The week before chemo, I had ice cream every day.  One night, I had it for dinner.  Jason raised his eyes at me and I said, "I start chemo in a few days, I am eating ice cream."  I gained 7 pounds in one week and was prepared for those drugs.

     *     STRESS BALL - (If you don't have a port, you need to build up your veins)

     *     AVEENO PRODUCTS

     *     FLAVORED WATER PACKETS - (It is important to drink lots of water, but it tasted like metal. These packets made it taste sweet.)

     *     CUTE HATS - (My sister showed up with all kinds of hats from Charming Charlie and I LIVED in those things.)

     *    MEALS!!!!!! - (I gained weight during chemo because, except for one treatment, my appetite was pretty good.  Not having to cook helped me tremendously. I had out-of-town friends order takeout for us.  How thoughtful.  I never thought of that.)

     *    PRAYERS - I know they worked, I felt them, and they were very appreciated.

     *    There is a service that will come and clean your house, once a month, for 3 months while you are going through chemo.  It is called Cleaning For A Reason.  At first, I felt weird using them, but they were WONDERFUL!  They cleaned my house, asked me how I was, interacted with my babies, and just made me feel special.  Print out the information and give to your friend.  There is also a service that will do your lawn and many other great services.

     *   GOOD PEDICURE/MANICURE - `(Because of possible infection due to bacteria, only a good pedi/mani is suggested.  So a great gift would be one from Sanda Gane or Macys or a similiar salon.)

Radiation Gifts - In no particular order:

     *     AQUAPHOR BY EUCERIN -  (Again, wasn't told about this amazing stuff by the doctors, but by my chemo sister.  Thank you, S!  This will help with blistering, rashes, and discoloration. I had a small sample size that I took with me.  Before getting dressed, I applied.  I really believe that is why my skin did so well.)

     *     COMFY SPORTS BRAS - (You are not supposed to wear wire during treatment.)

     *     PRAYERS!!!

Those are just some suggestions for things to get someone.  If you are more of a doer, then here are some things you can do:  (Again, just what helped me.)

     *  Go to treatment with them.  It was suggested to have someone different come with you every time.  I did that and it made it fun.  And just like I said before, don't say, "Let me know if you want me to come with."  Say, "What day should I come with you?"

     *    Go to their initial doctor appointments with them and take notes.  It is overwhelming to be told you have cancer and then they start throwing medical terms and options and it makes you want to curl up and cry.  Be their brains and ask the questions.

     *  If they have children, show up and entertain them so they can sleep.  This was wonderful as I was exhausted.

     *   If it is your thing, offer to help wade through all the medical bills, EOBs, and information.

     *   Send cards, words of encouragement, bible verses, texts that make you laugh, etc.

     *    Did I mention meals?  :-)

     *    I had a friend fly here from CT and help out during my first round.  Not only did she love on me and my boys, she wrote little notes on sticky notes and stuck them up around my house.  That was amazing.

     *    My sister also flew here and took over my role as mom during my third round.  It was not a good round and I ended up back at the hospital for fluids.  Knowing she was taking care of my boys, made it easier to relax and get the help I needed.  I still don't know what I would have done without her.

     *    My best friend came for my second round and shaved off the remainder of my hair.  Something you can only ask your best friend.  She helped me finish Charlie's room and gave me some much needed girl time.  She wasn't able to come to my Clip and Sip Party when we did my mohawk so she and her son sent a picture in bandanas to show their support.  Something so little, but meant so much.

Every thing that was made for me or done for me was the perfect equation for my healing.  I had friends show up and help, I had friends bring food and gifts, I had friends text me, I had friends send cards, I had friends send emails, and I had literally thousands of friends praying for me.  It all helped.  So do what you do best.  From the words of my friend, Elaine, I will do....so that...will happen.  No matter how little you think it is, what will happen is make them feel better, it will make a difference, and it will help.

And I will finish off with some dos and don'ts:

Don't tell a cancer patient a story about someone you know that lost their fight with cancer.  (You are probably shaking your head in disbelief, but it happened to me all the time and still does.)  We are scared and don't need to be reminded that we could die.  But do tell us the good stories.  The stories of people who fought and are still living.  We NEED to hear that.

Don't think we don't want to hear about things that are going in your life.  I had a friend say that she felt that her "stuff" was so trivial compared to mine.  First of all, it is all relative.  So talk to us.  We need that normalcy.  Do tell us what your wacky kids have done or how your husband is driving you crazy.  Life goes on and we need to be reminded of that.

Don't wait for us to ask for something.  Even if we realize what we need, our chemo brain will make us forget it!  Do show up and just do.  Just do their dishes.  Just do their laundry.  Just straighten up.  Just show up with a funny movie and laugh together.  Kidnap them and take them for a drive.

Don't hold back on how you are feeling.  Some of the most therapeutic conversations I had started off with, "I am so angry" and "WTF!" Before all of this, I used to think I had to find the perfect words to help someone.  Now I realize - just talk.  Do tell them that you are scared.  Do tell them you are angry.  Do tell them you love them.  Do tell them you are there.  Just talk.