I am asked frequently, "What can I do to help my friend who was just diagnosed?" As I have said before, just do it. Don't ask what you can do or say, "Call me if you need something." We aren't going to call you. Show up and just do it. Show up and do laundry. Show up and vacuum. Show up and cook some food AND do the dishes. Just do it.
Because when you are first diagnosed, you are thrown into a dark hole and you won't start crawling out of it for awhile. You need the help. You need friends to help with your house and your kids and rides to doctor's appointments, etc, etc. You need help talking it out and a shoulder to cry on and dishes to break. (http://raiseyourheads.blogspot.com/2015/11/hidden-anger.html)
But then you start crawling out. You start having better days. You don't think about your diagnosis EVERY SINGLE MINUTE. And now it is time to start living again. This is when you, as friends and family, start letting that person do normal things again. It makes us feel normal. It helps us see that we can get through this.
I think that is hard for some people. They don't want to burden us or ask us a favor. In fear that we will be overwhelming them. But I think, and really hope, that said person will be honest with you and let you know if he/she can or cannot do it.
Yesterday I asked a friend if her son could come to our house to play since I don't have anyone to come to rest time. I will be "up" anyway so let me repay the favor of watching my boys and let you have some rest time. She fought me, but I was adamant and explained that I am feeling better. Let me feel useful and normal. She agreed.
Today, a friend asked if I was on the way to school to pick up my boys because she was stuck doing an errand and couldn't get there on time. I told her I was not, but that I would go and get her child. She, of course, protested. Was probably thinking that was too much for me. Two months ago, it would have been. But I feel good now so I told her to stop worrying. I was already walking out of the door to get her. And she let me!
So, thank you, my friends, for treating me like everyone else. For knowing it was time for me to start doing things for myself and helping out others. You have no idea how good it felt to be a mom and help out another mom. You boosted my healing these last few days. When I am diagnosed, that is what I mourn. The every day, mundane, sometimes annoying errands as a mom. It is what I dreamed of doing all my life. I hate that, at times, I am not able to those things because I am healing.
Thank you for knowing me and understanding and letting me help you. Just as you have helped me.
