#fancer

#fancer

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

The Washer Gets a Break

No accidents today.  Not one.  Even with a nap.  I cannot believe this worked.  Well, except for stinks stinks.  Not only did we have one of those today, we had two.  And the second one happened while we were eating dinner and he was running around the island.  Thankfully we started wearing underwear again......

Tomorrow I have two appointments in the morning so Jason will be here on his own with both boys.  He is going to have to watch Jack like a hawk to "catch" him before he stinks.  It should be interesting.

This is a very boring post, but that is a good thing.  After washing tons of sheets and clothes, cleaning up a gallon of urine, and cleaning other things off the floor, today was a nice, easy day.  I am guessing when I come home after being gone for most of the morning, there should be a funny story or two.

To be continued.....

"We tee tee on towels."

During this whole potty training process, I have been talking in third party.  You know, "We tee tee in the potty.  We don't go to the bathroom in our underwear."

Jack woke up from a 2 hour nap dry.  Yipee!  He said he had to go so I ran him to the toilet.  Nothing.  We started playing trains.  He went a little so I ran him back to the toilet.  Nothing.  I grabbed a washcloth to clean up the urine.  Charlie is being VERY fussy and trying to crawl into my lap while I am trying to take care of this.  I hear a sound that sounds very much like a stream of urine and look up and Jack is standing right next to me going to the bathroom.  Luck was on my side because his stream went right on top of the washcloth I had left on the floor.  Charlie is still whining and I am just staring at Jack not believing what I am seeing and I just start laughing.  What else is there to do?  And my sweet little boy looked at me like an angel and said (very proud of himself I might add), "We tee tee on towels, Mommy!"

Maybe Tequila will help.....

Monday, November 25, 2013

Potty Training Day 3

I am on my own today.  We got a call from the home where my father is and he needed to go to the hospital with an infection.  Jason left at 8 to go get him.  We are also having our backyard renovated, so today is going to be crazy trying to potty train.

With this method, you have to stay attached to your child.  Your aim is to "catch" him when he is about to go and run him to the toilet.  Being positive is key and you don't ask him if they have to go.  You remind them to tell you when they have to go all. day. long.  I will try to recreate my morning so far.....

"Are you dry?"  "Good boy!"

"Tell mommy when you have to go to the bathroom."

"Are you dry?"  "Good boy!"

"Charlie, I can't hold you the whole morning."

"Mommy, I have to go!"  I pick him up and see there is already a puddle on the ground.  Run him to the toilet.  No more.  "Thank you for telling me!"  (Must keep smiling.  Must keep smiling.)  Clean up urine.

Phone rings.  It is Jason giving me an update on my father.  Charlie is crying.  I am trying to watch Jack for signs of bathroom activity.

Landscaping company is trying to get my attention through the door because they have a question for me.  I listen, while watching Jack, and try to answer their questions.  Charlie is trying to escape out the door.

"Mommy, I have to go!"  Put Charlie down, who starts crying, grab Jack and run to the bathroom.  He goes in the toilet!  "Good job, buddy!"  High fives and I give him a Skittle.

Charlie is whining.  I pick him up.  I give him some milk and am able to put him down.

"I have a runny nose!"  Did I mention his nose is running like crazy?  Grab tissue, wipe his nose.

"I have to go!"  I run and get him and put my hand right in urine that is running down his leg.  Run him to the toilet to let him finish.  Clean up urine.

The phone is ringing, but it is going to have ring.

"I have a runny nose!"  Grab tissue, wipe nose.

Is it too early for a beer?

I put Charlie down for a nap and take a deep breath.  It is only 10 am.  Now I can concentrate on Jack.  He tells me he has to go 3 separate times, but nothing happens.  The 4th time, he goes!  Cheers, high fives, give a Skittle.

I figure since he just went, I have ten minutes to clean up our mess from breakfast.  I am emptying the dishwasher and I hear, "Mommy, I went stink stink on the floor!"

Insert the sound of a beer opening....


Potty Training Day 2

We woke up Sunday and had breakfast.  I would love to say that we started off with no accidents and the day was great.  We had many more accidents and 2 times in the toilet.  We decided to call someone to celebrate his going in the potty.  I asked him who he wanted to call and he said, "Fireman Sam!"  (His birthday party yesterday was at the Fire Museum.)  I called my friend whose husband is a fireman, but no answer.  So I called my sister and asked if Fireman Sam was there.  My brother-in-law got on the phone and played a perfect Fireman Sam.  Jack was very excited and loved having him tell him how proud he was of him.

The next time he went in the toilet, I asked him who he wanted to call this time.  Nana?  Grandma?  No, he wanted Fireman Sam again.  I called my BIL, but he didn't answer.  I called my sister and she was feeding my niece and my BIL was in the backyard.  So I asked her to use a deep voice.  I am laughing typing this.  It was awesome.  She lowered her voice as much as she could and talked to Jack as Fireman Sam.  I was laughing so hard.  Jack thought he was talking to Fireman Sam and was smiling the whole time.

It wasn't a perfect day, but right when I started getting frustrated and wondering if he just wasn't ready, he would go in the toilet.  Beer was opened and we celebrated too!

Night 2 - Jack woke up at 12:30 with wet PJs.  We changed him, his sheets, and put him back to bed.  He made it all the way until 8 and was dry!

Potty Training Day 1

Jack had a birthday party on Saturday, so we didn't start until he woke up from his nap.  We brought him downstairs and fed him lunch.  We then told him it was time to give his diapers to Charlie because he was a big boy now.



We then put underwear on him and told him that he was a big boy and big boys go in the toilet.  Look at that face!


And then the fun began.  According to the method, we asked him a hundred times if he was dry.  Then congratulated him when he was.  He would say he was dry and we would cheer.  But he would say he was dry even if he was wet.  Soiled underwear was stacking up in the washer.  Then he started saying he had to go right after he had gone in his pants.  I was encouraged by that.  Things were starting to click.

After the 7th pair of soiled underwear, we decided to try going commando.  He would go, and after he went on himself, he would tell us he had to go.  Ugghh.  And just when I was questioning this method, he told me had to go, I swooped him up, and ran him to the toilet.  Who knew a long, steady stream of urine would excited you so much?!

He had a couple more accidents after that, but he did keep telling us he had to go.  So I was encouraged.  And we had one more successful run to the toilet.

Night 1 - We read a story and tried to go to the bathroom.  We read another book and sat down again.  Nothing.  We brushed our teeth and he went on himself, standing up, on the stool, brushing his teeth, with me right next to him.  Really?!

We put him to bed and around 11:30, he called me.  He had gone to the bathroom on himself.  We changed him and his sheets and put him back to bed.  At 6:30, he called again.  We changed him, his sheets, and put him back to bed.  He slept until 10 and was dry when he woke up!  We cheered and gave him a Skittle (it is amazing how that little piece of candy is such a reward for him!).

And we began the fun again....


Saturday, November 23, 2013

Potty Training Boot Camp

We have collected all the supplies, we have been talking about it for a week, and when Jack wakes up from his nap, we are starting potty training boot camp.


We have tons of underwear (which are the cutest darn things),











candy and new toy rewards,




and, most importantly, treats for mommy and daddy.




Wish us luck!

Friday, November 15, 2013

What Was That?

I was outside last week and I literally stopped walking because I felt something that was vaguely familiar, but couldn't put my finger on what it was.  And then I realized what it was and couldn't stop smiling.  My hair was blowing in the wind!

And two days a ago, I actually tucked my hair behind my ear.  Now, it looked pretty silly, but it tucked!

It is the little things.....


Monday, November 11, 2013

Who Are You and What Have You Done With Dawn?


Most common side effects of Herceptin in breast cancer patients:
  • Fever
  • Nausea
  • Vomiting
  • Infusion reactions
  • Diarrhea
  • Infections
  • Increased cough
  • Headache
  • Fatigue
  • Shortness of breath
  • Rash
  • Low white and red blood cell counts
  • Muscle pain
  • Heart problems

The most common side effects caused by tamoxifen are hot flashes; vaginal dryness, discharge, or irritation; and decreased interest in sex. These side effects are not usually serious, but they can be bothersome.
Other side effects are rare but are more dangerous. These include:

This is the information I was finding about 3 months ago when I was researching the drugs I was taking.  What I was desperately trying to find was RAVING B%$#@#.  I really tried hard to find it.  I tried hard to find it because I needed a reason why I was not myself.  Why I was constantly yelling at my husband and not being very  nice in general.  But no raving b%$#@# was to be found.

If the drugs I was on was causing me to act this way, it would be a lot easier to forgive myself and try to figure out how to stop and go back to being the old Dawn.

But they weren't.  So for a couple of days I tried to figure it all out.  Did cancer make me a b@#$%?  Was this the new me now?  I tried really hard to figure it all out, but I couldn't.  If I didn't know why I was acting like this, how was I to stop it?

I started talking to friends.  I talked to my counselor.  I talked to my oncologist.  And they all said it was expected and normal after the year I have had.  But I didn't like that.  I would hear the words coming out of my mouth and try to stop them, but they would still come out.  I would tell myself not to get on Jason when he came home, but I did.  I couldn't stop it.  

Besides being mean, I was also crying a lot.  I would literally be thinking how annoying my husband was and within five minutes, I would be thinking what a wonderful man, father, and husband he is and start crying.  

When I saw that in myself, I think that started the process of fixing this mess.  That just wasn't normal.  

My oncologist gave me a prescription for Effexor.  She said that her patients deal with this.  Patients are so strong during treatment and then there is this let down of emotions when it is all over.  When I got home, I looked it up.  It is for depression and anxiety.  I am not a pill taker.  They scare me.  Especially the side effects.  I am already taking one for the next ten years and wished I wasn't.  So I am not going to fill this one, BUT I will hold onto it.  

I am slowly crawling out of this hole I am in.  I have good days and I have bad days.  Just a couple weeks ago, my friend said I was looking good, I was looking so skinny.  (When I was younger, I was made fun of for being skinny so it is a hot word for me.  But I have gotten over that and know that people are giving me a compliment when they say it.)  Well, I kind of blew up at her and said something along the lines that skinny was bad, etc.  I saw her face. I hurt her feelings.  And even though I saw it, I couldn't say anything to fix it.  But for the rest of the week, I thought and thought about it.  I thought about why I reacted that way.  I thought about why I just didn't say thank you?  It made me realize again that I am not myself.

But I don't think that is an excuse.  It is a reason, but not an excuse.  We all have stuff going on in our lives.  ALL OF US.  That doesn't give us a right to be mean or cut people down.  My fear is that I would say something that a friend or family member couldn't forget.  How horrible would that be?

I have been saying a prayer every morning to be a better person.  To leave people smiling, not shaking their head wondering who the raving lunatic was in my body.  I need to accept that I am a different person.  I am now a mother of 2 and a survivor.  I want that to mean I am a better person than I was a year ago.  

A really strong woman accepts the war she went through and is ennobled by her scars.
Carly Simon 

I wonder how other post-chemo patients are dealing with all these emotions.  I can't be the only raving lunatic out there, can I?