Just Because

In honor of Valentine's Day, I would like to talk about my husband.  The man who has stood by me through all of this.  Who is calm when I am freaking out.  Who is there to hold me when I need to cry.  Who is there to remind me that life is good.

We don't celebrate Valentine's Day.  Well, we exchange cards.  I have made it easy for him.  I don't like the fact that he feels he has to tell me why he loves me because the commercials tell him that.  Doesn't seem sincere to me.  I know, I know, it is about celebrating your love.  I get that and will cry when someone tells me something sweet their partner did or said to them on V Day.  But for me, I don't  want it on that day.  I want it every day.

But I am lucky.  Very lucky.  EVERY single day, I know that my husband loves me.  I know this because he shows me by working hard every day to provide for us.  I know this because he calls me during the day to check on me and the boys.  I know this because it is something I feel in my being even when I am not thinking about it.

I called today about getting my stereo fixed in my car.  When the salesperson looked up my information, he said, "I see it.  Looks like he got it for you for a Christmas gift."  No.  He got it for me just because.  I have a great pair of cowboy boots that people always comment on how much they love them.  Another gift just because.  I have many gifts that are just because.  To me, when I get a gift just because it means that he saw something and knew it would make me smile.  It means he was thinking about me during his busy day.  It means that he wants to take care of me and do things to make me happy.  It means that I am one lucky girl.

When I got my diagnosis, I saw my husband's face drop and I knew he was scared.  He was scared of losing me and, yet again, I am reminded how much he loves me.  When my hair fell out, he told me it just meant there was more skin to caress.   He doesn't look at me any differently even though my body has been cut up and parts of me are now deformed.  He looks at me and all I see is love.  How lucky am I?

So tomorrow Jason won't be stressed out about getting the right gift or making reservations at the right restaurant.  I made it easy for him because he does things throughout the year to tell me he loves me.  Now that I am thinking about it, maybe that isn't easier.  Instead of only one day of making sure I feel loved, he has to do it for 365.  Lucky for him (and me), he is really good at it.