Bye, Bye, Nuts

I was planning on writing about my surgery that took place on Monday.  But today I am just angry.

We found out Wednesday that Charlie is allergic to nuts.  Pretty severely too.  My first thought was, "Hasn't our family had enough?"  This means a life change.  A life change that I do not want to make

Jason is always telling me to not let the boys play on dirty floors.  Don't let them play in the bushes.  Don't let them outside with all the mosquitoes.  And although I know he has a point, I just don't worry about that stuff.  We all survived it, so will my boys.

But now I have to be that mom that is constantly worrying about what he is putting in his mouth.  When we go to other people's houses, I will have to watch him like a hawk to make sure he isn't near nuts.  I will be always reading food labels.  When his classmates bring in cupcakes to celebrate birthdays, he will not be able to have one.  (Cross contamination is big in bakeries.)  I now have to send in snacks for him to eat every day he is at school.  And did I mention the worrying?  Just today, we were driving to work and he started coughing and I am freaking out that he is having an allergic reaction.  I was about to pull off the interstate, but then he started laughing with his brother.  How many more stomach drops and mad thinking of how to get to the Epipen?

Uggh.  I am just mad.

There is a website for children with allergies.  There are fundraisers and walks and more information than we probably need.  But that made me mad too.  Another cause that affected my family.

%$#%^&*!!!!!

I haven't really gotten mad at cancer.  Not sure what that means, but for whatever reason, I'm haven't.  But I am about this.  Maybe it is because IT is messing with my child.  Momma Bear is coming out.  I was hoping that after the year I have had, and everything I had to endure, no one close to me would have to deal with any sickness.

I think I just heard God laugh.  I know, I know.  That is not the way that it works.  But it should.

I am going to allow myself to be angry today. Tomorrow I will pull up my big girl - I kicked cancer's a@# - this is nothing but a thing - panties and deal with this.

But today I am angry because my surgery on Monday was supposed to be the symbolic end to a year filled with doctors and worries.

God is still laughing up there.  But he is there.  So I know we will be okay and Charlie will be okay. I will find a way to raise my head above this new speed bump.

Time to get off this computer because I only have 2 hours and 40 minutes to be angry...