We didn't really hear anything new. We will continue with the chemo (horse) pills and retest with an MRI in three months. The assumption is: If in two months, the lesions were reduced by 50%, we should get some really good news in three months!
In the past, when I have gotten good news, I don't think I embraced that news 100 percent. Maybe because I am not used to good news? Maybe because my fear outweighed my faith? Maybe because I am human and that is what we do? Whatever the reason, I wasn't accepting that I was good. That I was healed.
I have been working on that these last two months. It seems like rejoicing would be so easy. But as a 4-time survivor, it isn't. You wake up with thoughts of it coming back. You walk around your day with aches and pains and try NOT to think what they could mean. You see others laughing and you are so intensely jealous of their innocence and their lives that don't have chemo and doctor's appointments in it. It is just hard. Hard to escape the thoughts in your head.
But I think I figured out some of it. Still learning and struggling daily, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am laughing OUT LOUD more. I didn't really do that much before. I am playing with my boys more. My phone is usually in another room instead of next to me tempting to look at it and check this app or that one. My dishes and housework pile up because me and my boys are coloring or pretending to be worms.
It only took 44 years and some tough things in my life to get it. Now, every morning, I am on my knees thanking God for pain-free days, rash-free days, 50% reduction in lesions, and my family and friends and another day to love them.
My birthday was a good day. Birthdays now have a different meaning. Not another year older, but another year I got to live and enjoy the GOOD things that He gives us.
I read a book: Radical Remission. It is a great book filled with hope. Thousands of stories of people sent home because there wasn't anything the doctors could do. Others who chose not to go the tradition route of chemo and radiation. And they all cured their cancer. There were 9 key factors that all these people did. The first one being diet (that made me smile). Another was positive thinking. The author, after talking to these miracles, suggested that we ALL write down the age we want to live. Put it up in several places in your house. And affirm it whenever you see it. I like that. I am going to live to 90. I have claimed it and believe it.
And on my 90th birthday, I will be laughing and dancing and smiling with my friends and family. I hope to see you there.
Make sure one of you makes this sign, please:
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