#day8greenchair

There is a green chair in our den that has seen better days.  The fabric is torn and it is a mess.  We have decided to wait until the boys are a little older before we get new furniture.  To wait until this messy stage of our lives is over.

I have taken on the 100 Happy Days Challenge.   100happydays.com  Basically, you take one photo each day that makes you happy, post it, and hash tag it.  As mentioned above, I am in the stage where my boys happily consume all my time.  I am trying not to post a picture every day of them.  It is hard because they do make me so very happy and they give me heart smiles every day.

So I was looking around my house for something else that makes me happy and my eyes rested on the green chair.  It is very apropos that I thought about it today.

Seven years ago today, we had a conversation on this chair.  Seven years ago today, we decided to start dating and be more than friends.

Since then many things have happened on this chair.  We have had many other conversations in this chair.  What kind of wedding do we want?  Where do we want to go on our honeymoon? When should we try to get pregnant?  

There have also been many tears on this chair.  Why can't we get pregnant? Why didn't the many procedures we try get us pregnant?  When do we decide to stop trying and adopt?  

Then we were able to bring two beautiful babies home from the hospital.  I nursed in this chair, I snuggled in this chair, and I watched my babies sleep in this chair.  I fell in love in this chair.

I remember coming downstairs at 4 am one night after Jack had been crying for an hour straight.   I didn't know what else to do.  I sat in this chair, held him close, and just sobbed.  Ten minutes later, he let out a loud burp and filled his diaper simultaneously.  I started laughing, he stopped crying, I changed his diaper, I put him on my chest, and we slept for 6 glorious hours.  My batteries were recharged in this chair.  

I sat in this chair with a second baby in my belly and the words, "It is breast cancer" screaming in my head.  I sobbed again in this chair one night when Jason ran to the store.  He was scared and I was trying to be brave.  This green chair  helped me get my head straight.  I let it out and then decided that was all the sobbing cancer was going to get.  I got real in this chair.  

I sat in this chair recovering from my many surgeries.  I was able to see my boys playing and hear them laughing.  They were able to climb up and snuggle with me.  I healed in this green chair. 

Two weeks ago, I had a conversation with Jason on this chair about a new lump I found.  I had been to the doctor earlier and, thankfully, it was not concerning.  But once again, I left that chair feeling better than I had when I sat on it.

Now my boys use this chair to build forts and to wrestle with their daddy.  With some finageling, I think the four of us could snuggle in it and watch a movie.  We have many of our important talks in this chair.  And we are starting to have conversations with the boys in this chair.  

I don't want to get rid of this chair.  It has seen our lives every single day.  It has seen the good times and the not so good times.  It has held us while we cried, while we laughed, while we were scared, while we were happy, and while we became a family.  

We said we would get a new one when our lives stopped being so messy.  One thing that I have learned this past year is that our lives are always going to be messy.  If two boys hadn't guaranteed that, cancer certainly has.

When I look at this green chair, I don't see the huge rips that we had to cover with a blanket.  I don't see the fading of the fabric or the many stains on it.  I see memories.  Some good, some bad, but memories that make up our story.  

So if you come to my house and we finally have all new furniture, but in the corner is this ratty, green chair, please smile like I do.  Smile knowing it helped us become who we are - a wonderful, messy family.