Belt and Suspenders

After getting over the initial shock of my diagnosis, the researching and educating ourselves began.  I wasn't sure if I wanted to do chemo.  I felt that chemo didn't "work" for me.  Here I was a little over a year from finishing chemo and cancer was back.  And back with a vengeance. We really started looking into a more holistic approach.  And I grappled with the decision I had to make.  Just chemo?  Just holistic?  A little of both?  Something else we haven't even heard of yet?

Jason said, "Belt and suspenders."  I didn't know what he was talking about.  (Not that that isn't unusual)  He explained.  Let's do both.  A belt by itself will hold up your pants.  Suspenders will do the same.  But both will DEFINITELY hold up your pants.  Belt and suspenders.

As I posted earlier, I didn't know I had made up my mind until I was sitting in my oncologist's office. I really wanted my gut to tell me not to do chemo.  Not that I was afraid of the side effects, but I wanted to be okay with NOT doing chemo.  But I wasn't.  I do know that I don't want to do all of the chemo that is suggested.  And, more importantly, I don't want to do chemo the rest of my life.

So belt and suspenders.

The day after my diagnosis, we started my new diet.  It has changed significantly since then and is still evolving.  But I find comfort in that.  If a doctor said, "Eat this, don't eat this, and you will be cured",  I think I would be hesitant.  Because of what I am putting in my body, and not putting in my body, my insides are changing/adjusting every day.  What was once good for me, may not be anymore because my body is healing.  I found out through Dr. Li Liu that my thyroid was not working correctly.  We adjusted my food and supplements and now it is working at a 10!  Your body is like an onion.  Once you fix one layer, the layer underneath screams for attention.  So now we are working on my pituitary gland.  And what is going into my body has changed again.  It will always be changing.  Doesn't that make more sense to you also?

We then started chemo and I haven't regretted that choice.  Well, I still worried that I wasn't making the right choice.  I have prayed and prayed about it.  I do not believe God had anything to do with my cancer.  So I don't pray that he will cure my cancer.  I don't feel that he can do that necessarily.  I do, however, believe he can put people and books in my path to educate me and point me towards a path of healing.  So that is my prayer: God, continue to put people in my path that will introduce me to new ways of healing.  Open my mind and heart so I can hear and process all this new information. 

And He calmed my questions when he put Sandra in my path.  Sandra is a wonderfully intuitive person who reads your spirit. https://www.bookfresh.com/service/smyrna/lemusing-llc/672890779.  I refer to it as therapy on crack.  My first session with her revealed so much about me.  Stuff that may have taken years for my therapist to discover.  I told her that I was worrying about our decision to do chemo.  She said that the initial breast cancer was more aggressive than I realized.  That the chemo did take care of it and that was the right choice.  She also said that my cancer today has gone too far into my body for holistic practices alone to cure it.  I need this chemo.  And I breathed.  

So belt and suspenders.  I do feel that there will be a point where the chemo will reduce the cancer (or get rid of it!) and we will vamp up the holistic part of my healing.

I do want to share what I have been doing, and learning, as far as the holistic side.  I truly feel that some of the stuff I have discovered and am doing could benefit ALL of us.  If I figure all this stuff out, I am going to be a force to be reckoned with one day.  I am excited about all the stuff I am learning about myself.  Even the stuff that scares me because I am pretty messed up.  (In a good way) I have posts working in my mind.  I just have to find time to get them down in here...

So belt and suspenders.  I will happily wear both (no, I don't really own any suspenders) until I don't have to anymore.  I look forward to the day I only have to wear one.  And I will wear it until I am 90!