Radiation

My diagnosis was on a Wednesday.  That Friday, I was scheduled to see a radiologist.  A lot of friends have asked why the chemo didn't get the brain mets.  Chemo cannot cross the brain barrier.  The molecules are too big.  Radiation is how you deal with things in the brain.  I was glad.  The decision on what to do was taken out of our hands.  With chemo, we did lots of research and trusted our gut and didn't do as much as they wanted us to do.  Radiation....it is the only way to deal with this.

I met with my new radiologist, Dr.  McLaughlin, at Kennestone.  We really liked him and felt confident in his hands.  I thought I would be starting radiation that day, but no.  That day I did have to get fitted for my mask.  What mask you ask?  When I got radiation on my breast, I had to get tattooed.  I have three small tattoos - one on each side of my body (aligned with my breasts) and one right in the middle on my chest.  That is to line up the machine to make sure it is putting the radiation where we want it to go.  Definitely don't want it to go where it shouldn't.

Even more important in the head/brain.  Don't want it in my eye or anywhere else.  Tattoos on the head are not the best way to deal with this.  So a mask is how they do it.  I was warned about the mask from a sweet friend and the nurses there.  Most people have to take a Xanex to get fitted for the mask and EVERY time they get radiation.  So I was a little nervous about this procedure.

I am on a table and they heat up this huge mask thing so they can mold it to my face.  It is a mesh type of mask.  It is hot and it is covering your whole face and you start to feel like you can't breathe.  And then they put a cool wash rag on it.  This now covers the small holes that are you saving grace from freaking out.  I felt the anxiety rise, but I took deep breaths and thought of my boys.  That helped and it was over soon.

Tuesday comes and I show up, go down to the basement where their office is (I always assumed because of the radiation, but have never asked), scan my card so they know that I am there, change into a gown, wait in the waiting area, and text everybody to get ready to mediate soon.  They come and get me and we go back.  They asked me my name and why I am there.  (I did 31 days before my breast.  Towards the end, I would make up names.  They told me they had a patient who would say, "My name is Chicken Little and I have come to get fried."  LOL) I then go back to a room and lie on a table.  And then the mask comes.  I was a little nervous.  I had been warned.  They are nice and explain everything.  Then they put the mask on, and snap me in,  and I start to breathe deeply in and then out.  That almost makes it worse because it emphasizes how hard it is to breathe and the fact that you cannot move.  Thankfully, the radiation/scanning part is literally 3 or 4 minutes.

The black "knobs" are snapped in so I it cannot move.

"Are you happy to see me or is that just your gown?" LOL

I am to do this for 15 days straight minus the weekends.  At this point, I cannot drive.  I am still overwhelmed and humbled by my friends who stepped up.  EVERY DAY, someone came to drive me to radiation.  And someone else came to watch the boys.  EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.  The last 5 treatments, I actually had clearance to drive around town, but I wanted to be driven.  And I am all about finishing how I started.

But most importantly, my friends and family boosted my spirits on those drives.  We talked and caught up and talk about every day stuff.  It was nice to not talk about this.  It took my mind of things and I ALWAYS felt better when they dropped me back off at home.  Always.  There were some days that I was not feeling good mentally, physically, and emotionally.  But halfway to Kennestone, I was smiling and feeling normal.

Thank you, Friends.  I hope you realize how important your role is in the third and final fight.