MD Anderson

     The alarm went off at 4:30 am. At the airport by 6:30. In Houston by 9 am.

      We decided to register early for our appointment at 1:00. The lady registering us was not nice. She wasn't mean, but not nice. I thought MD was about hugs and hope. We should have known then and there we weren't going to get what we came for...

       We found a quiet library to wait, eat my greens, check email, etc. Around 12:45, we checked in. We were told to wait in the waiting room. We waited for over 2.5 hours.  Jason got more and more nervous as time ticked away.

       We are walked to our room at 3:15 finally. Waited some more for Dr. Booser to come in and talk to us. He went over my history, did a physical exam, and went to consult with someone. I put my clothes back on and waited. He couldn't find a colleague so began his advice.  I will summarize:

       - He did validate my thoughts that the chemo didn't work. He said that the cancer we are seeing now has probably always been in my body. On one hand, it was nice to have my feelings validated,  but on the other hand, it was scary to think about that.

       - I will always have cancer in my body.

       - We will hope to reduce it with drugs, keep it dormant, and hope it doesn't rear it's ugly head again.

       - The protocol they are suggesting is Herceptin (which I did for a full year every three years), Taxol (closely related to Taxitere which I also took), and a new drug called Pertuzumab.  He said that since I did Herceptin for a full year and we are seeing cancer, this may not work.  It didn't work the first time.  But combined with the new drug, Pertuzumab, it may have a different effect.

       - There is always a chance the cancer would go away, but that doesn't happen often. Just those special cases. (Apparently he doesn't know who I am!)

       - No clinical trials that I qualify for and he didn't think there ever would be??

       - He agrees with the protocol my current doctor suggested. But listed all these side effects like numbness of fingers and toes, bone damage that would send me to a wheelchair permanently, and other damage to my body.

       - He did suggest another option. Hormone Therapy. Keep in mind, I am not a medical person, I was exhausted, and our hopes had already been squashed at this point. I hope I am remembering what he said. Jason wrote it all down. Anyway, take out my ovaries and tubes. Since my cancer is fueled by hormones, eliminating what produces those, could help. I think this was done with some pills also.

       - We brought up diet and holistic approaches. He pretty much laughed at us. I thought they were open to this so more frustration.

       I know it is about finding the right doctor. I hope Booser isn't indicative of the entire hospital. I don't think so, but we don't have the time to keep going back there. Maybe that is our sign that MD isn't for us.

       We finished at 5 and hoped to make our flight at 6:09.  I really didn't think we would. We got to the airport at 5:35. But it is a small airport so we made it with about ten minutes to spare. But we were those people running through the airport yelling, "Excuse us, excuse us!"

       I sat on the plane and sobbed. What a disappointing day. I was glad we made the flight because I just wanted my bed. We walked into our house at 10:30 and I was almost as low as I was when we found out the cancer had returned. I just wanted to sleep and start over again the next day.

       I woke up today feeling better.  I drank my water, ate more greens and quinoa, journaled, rested, played with my boys, and tried to refocus on the positive.

       I want to post about what we are looking for in a doctor.  I am tired and need to get to bed, but will write that as soon as I can.  That is really our next important step.  To find someone to help us navigate all of this.  You guys have been so awesome.  I know that I am going to get a plethora of names as soon as I post.

       Jason is making my sewer drink.  I must go drink and visualize.  Love you all!!!